thoughts

la vita agrodolce

2006-09-03T20:17:00.000+08:00

things will not be the same again.
the choice is set.
the past is shed.
a new becoming.

I'm no God Of Food but Part 2

2006-07-30T18:18:00.000+08:00

Ingredients involved:
Spaghetti, cooked til al dente
Frozen vegetables (peas, corn, carrots, the usual)
Garlic, lots of it
Onions, lots of it
Minced pork (one week since expiry date)

Seasoning for pork:
Ketchup
Salt & Pepper
Coriander leaves
Basil
Chilli flakes (I like my Italian spicy)

Since tasting the above, I discovered that pork doesn't go well with tomato based spaghetti, taste kind of weird in fact. But nevertheless, tasty and edible since I finished everything.

Sometimes, I think my stomachache ought to deserve better. One week old pork, I must have be desperate.

I'm no God of Food but

2006-07-29T22:13:00.000+08:00

Ingredients:
Spaghetti, cooked to al dente
Frozen mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, corn, the usual)
Dory fish fillet
Garlic, lots of it
Cream Sauce
Bacon

Seasoning for fish:
Thyme
Basil
Soy Sauce
Salt & Pepper
Some Chilli

This sort of messy, brainless cooking always work best with leftovers. Nothing beats creating up some delicious (sometimes not) and tasty looking food using leftovers as the feeling of achievement helps alot in the appetite.

right now, I hope I wouldn't get a stomachache from eating 1 week old fish.

question of concern

2006-07-05T21:36:00.000+08:00

you are the key to your own cage
is it open?

a place of none

2006-07-02T09:05:00.000+08:00

maples grew in the grove beyond the lawn
a little gate led to the hills
some of the maples were already turning red, like flames against the green
among the stepping stones on the lawn, wild carnations bloomed
in a corner to the left were a small well and a water wheel
a ceramic stool in the centre of the lawn seemed hot enough to burn anyone who sat on it
summer clouds towered over the green hills
it was a bright, quiet, ordinary sort of garden
the cicadas insistent shrilling sounded like dry rosary beads being rubbed together
there was no other sound
the garden was empty
honda realised he had arrived at a place without memories
the summer sun froze the garden in eternal stillness

- decay of the angel, yukio mishima

clear your thoughts and imagine the scene above
temporary comfort but nevertheless a brief escape
i hope it certainly helps.

I thought you might liked this

2006-06-14T06:20:00.000+08:00

I am the first
A shadow in the hallway.
I spin the carousel, the laughter recedes away
My finger on your lips
I stole something precious

I am the second
Alone in a faceless crowd
A human caught in monochrome dreams
I scream to wake her up.
My voice runs deep underground
Only the dead can hear me, see me

I am the third
The Master
A Sentinel of awakeness
I hold truth like a torch
Shadows flicker before me
Rapid eye follow the chain of thought
Until the silence ends

- excerpt from Silent Hill

I want love

2006-06-14T06:09:00.000+08:00

I want a cup that overflows with love,
Although it's not enough to fill my heart
I want a barrel full of love
Although i know it's not enough to fill my heart
I want a river full of love
But then i know the holes will still remain
I need an ocean full of love
Although i know the holes will still remain

And the Swiss cheese heart knows
only kindness can fill its holes
And love will dry my tears
as pain disappears, yeah

I need a miracle, and not someone's charity
One drop of love from him, and my heart's in ecstasy
My heart is sending me, is most likely ending me
I need a miracle, and not someone's charity, now

Fill up my heart with love and you'd be amazed at how little
I need from him to heal complete
Here and now stirring within me lies feelings i can't ignore
I need a miracle and that's all I'm hoping for

I need a miracle, and not someone's charity
One drop of love from him, and my heart's in ecstasy
My heart is sending me, is most likely ending me
I need a miracle, and not someone's charity, now

Anybody's love but his will never fill this space within me now
Got to give me what I need... to free my heart from misery

- Mary Elizabeth Mcglynn

Postcard no.2

2006-05-30T01:34:00.000+08:00

if you really love someone, there are no pretensions.
it's perfectly fine, even if you feel like an idiot.

omoi?

Postcard to the stars

2006-05-29T02:03:00.000+08:00

there's someone who are care alot for and perhaps...
however, i do wish nor want acknowledgement from that someone or myself
ignorance is preferred even if feign
this may be open to many but no matter
what others think need not bother me, it's only what that someone feels
and most importantly, myself
to begin with, i'm not ready and i'm afraid of a negative outcome
reasons are mine to keep closed
however should that someone ask why, i'll gladly tell her as it's fair for her to know
time will of course adds its pressure
and the bottled up emotions inside will soon explode
then the first step will be taken and the harsh reality will be faced
but now not yet

Family

2006-05-17T00:34:00.000+08:00

a word which i practically hate
i've hated it since i realised
i hate anything to do with it
dinners, outings, arguments
shut them all out & away
leave me alone gah!
im mad

empty

2006-05-13T03:47:00.000+08:00

gazing at the sea & stars i wonder
what is there in my life
aimlessly wandering through the routines of today
i seek an ideal that i myself can't tell nor know
a hole in my heart where my soul leaks out
like a punctured water bottle
its contents diminishing day by day, year by year
until the day where there is no more
what would i become?
a heartless or soul-less being that strides in this world
seeking nothing or everything?
a tear breaks at my eyes, day and night
where emptiness truely clutches me deeply
hurting my mental state
would i become insane?
a silent demon of my self hate?
maybe that is why i cry
i fear that maybe, one day, that fear would be alive

father's words

2006-05-08T23:53:00.000+08:00

a certain man had a unsatiable obsession for a certain pretty woman
that man would always want to obtain photos of her
to hang on his living room wall, to admire
her daughter although disgusted by his behaviour, ignored the situation
for her mother had pass away a long time ago
but one day, it got out of hand and the daughter confronted the man
father! you are such a pervert!
the daughter shouted in disgust
the man stood silently, deep in thought
he was neither shaken nor insulted by his daughter's remarks
he then said with a chuckle
if i'm a pervert, then you're a sad perverted child, my dear
and the father walk away towards his prized photo collection

*chuckle

one of the manifestations of my death

2006-04-29T05:09:00.000+08:00

slouched against the sand bricked wall, laying on my pool of blood
with a scene of the sunset in my vision and the cool wind blowing against my rough scarred skin.
a welcomed calm inside the eye of a storm but also the inevitable invitation to serious shit
in grievous pain, i retrieve memories of the past, reviewing them one by one like an image slide show
a smile forms at my face but a hint of sadness resides in my heart as i regret many things that were part of my life, undone and done.
without warning, pain rushed into my body, knocking me unconscious as i leave myself to the hands of fates.

a thought late at night.

2006-04-29T05:05:00.000+08:00

awfully tired I am and exhausted from the routines of life.
how i wish for someone to pull me out from that spiral of endlessness until death.

death of a king

2006-04-29T04:31:00.000+08:00

the king choked, his eyes wide from shock from the sudden engagement.
kneeling, he struggled to breathe, clutching his throat to plug the hole at his neck,
as blood flowed like a river stream.
he tries to speak, but only came the gurgling of the blood in his mouth.
weakening, the king gradually crumples on the floor on his side and knocks over a cup of yellow honey water.
the masked figure dressed in black approached and took a knee beside the king.
lifting the king's head by the chin, the figure stared into the eyes of the king.
a pair of burning red eyes pierced into the king's soul, painfully.
deftly, the figure delivers successive 3 stabs into the king's chest, drawing more blood and quickly forming a pool around the king's body.
the carpets became sticky and dark red and yellow from the blood & honey water mixture.
by his ear, the figure whispered, 'death claims you, my liege.'
then the figure rosed and walked towards the bedroom door.
almost lifelessly, the king watches as the figure opened the door.
a strong gust of wind entered the room, lifting the curtains up and flickering candle fires, causing shadows to bend against the stone cold walls.
almost certain to leave the death scene, the figure suddenly stopped.
the figure turned, facing the king and a bell jingled.
a hand removed the facial disguise, revealing the identity of the figure.
recognition sparked in the king and he noticed a tiny tear trickled down the figure's face.
the figure's face was a mask of misery & sadness.
then melting into the shadows of light, the figure disappeared.
before life truely left him, the king whispered a name.
a name that he had liked and maybe, at times loved.
then finally, the king took his last breathe and spoke the name once again with a bitter sadness.
fayle....

Predecessor

2006-04-16T23:33:00.000+08:00

dressed in red, she walks a path of despair
leaving behind a trail of death and sorrow
an unwillingly yet willing player to the hand of above & below
to the little girl she says
choose and fight bravely
a blaze of fire & ash engulfs her suddenly
yet she does not scream in pain, not even a shy of a shrill
but her eyes glowed a passionate red, looking into the heart of the little girl
as a tiny tear fall slowly down her cheek
almost instantly, she disappears into the darkness

nerve-wrecking

2006-04-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

pain reminds me that i am still alive, a pleasurable/tormenting sting to my senses
too long without, i'll stone and be petrified
too many, i'll rather die; quick & surely
i wonder what a strong, sharp & deep pain would do?
remind me of the old wounds that have faded along with time?
or perhaps, let me see visions that i should not be unveiled to
pain, bane, sane, cane - as you've written.

The surprise

2006-04-11T17:52:00.000+08:00

decided to make a last minute decision to go to Bali with friends.
madness? lol
hope to get some inspiration there and at the same time relax before the term starts
would be back on friday
got to go...LOL plane leaves at 7pm, look at the time.

I love chocolate

2006-03-28T22:56:00.000+08:00

do you?

cherish, love is a mystery

2006-03-23T19:27:00.000+08:00

Kiss Me Good-Bye

Lyrics: Angela Aki
Music: Uematsu Nobuo

You say my love is all you need
To see you through
But I know these words are not quite true

Here is the path you’re looking for
An open door
Leading the worlds you long to explore

Go, if you must move on alone
I’m gonna make it on my own

Kiss me good-bye, love’s memory
Follow your heart and find your destiny
Don’t shed a tear, for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

As times goes by I know you’ll see this of me
I loved enough to let you go free

Go, I will give you wings to fly
Cast all your fears into the sky

Kiss me good-bye, love is mystery
All of my life, I’ll hold you close to me
Don’t shed a tear, for love’s mortality
For you put the dream in my reality

Kiss me good-bye, love’s memory
You put the dream in my reality

I love this song.

Sovereign, a fantasy.

2006-03-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

"These ignorant old men talk too much, Ruathia." muttered Trevis. "The genoia incident is only but minor thorn to the alliance."
"But Sire, the Prince was killed. The Old Masters won't take it lightly. He was after all popular." Ruathia said.
"Speaking of popular Sire, your reputation has taking quite a beating lately." Deib added.
"Silence those lips, Deib, before i shut them permanently myself. You need not remind me." Trevis muttered with a hint of annoyance.
"Lord Trevis, may i speak openly?" asked Ruathia.
"You may, Ruathia." replied Trevis.
"I'm afraid the Old Masters may seek your resignation."
"I've forsaw that Ruathia, i have my plans." Trevis replied without hesitance. "4 years I've served them, 4 years of my blood. They shan't take it all away from me so easily."
"Sire! You don't mean to...." Ruathia exclaimed.
"Silence Ruathia! You very well know what i wish for." Trevis rosed. "The Old Masters now seek my audience."

"Lord Commander Trevis! the counsel has spoken!" announced Quayles.
"We have decided that you shall step down from your position as lord commander of the armies, your hand in the genoia incident has caused grave grievance to the people of the Alliance and shaken its foundation!"
"Your actions may very well drown us in war."
"Your sentence will be decided on a later date. Now, surrender the sword of Cmmanders!"

Trevis strode forward to the small centre stage of the forum where Quayles stood.

"Now hand over the sword, Trevis. You disappointment me greatly." sighed Quayles, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry, Master Quayles. The sword, you shall have...in your heart." hissed Trevis as he drew his sword.

Qayles's eyes widened in shock & disbelief as Trevis shoved the sword into his chest.
Blood trickled down to the hilt of the sword of Commanders onto the marble stage.
Red flowed down the steps of the centre stage and covered the words of the Alliance pact that was engraved on the floor.
Trevis whispered beside the ear of master quayles, "I thank you for all you have done in the past, old man." With a hard tug, Trevis pulled out the sword and Quayles's body fell limped onto the ground

The crowd gasped in horror and screams for the royal guards echoed the forum walls but none budged.
Trevis reached for the robe of Quayles and cleaned his sword. He nodded at Deib.
Instantly, Deib drew his silver axe and severed the Quayles's head. With the head raised above for all the to see, Deib then licked his axe tastefully.

"Old Masters!" Trevis bellowed. "4 years ago, you have chosen me as Lord of Commander of the Armies. I thank you! However, i will not let you take it away that easily."
"This sovereignty that was granted to me, I shall make it permanent!"
"MEN! Slay all of them, not one is to leave this place alive. The Counsel of the Old is no more."

when i dream

2006-03-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

I could have a mansion that is higher than the dreams
I could have all the gifts I want and never ask please
I could fly to Paris, It's at my beck and call
Why do I live my life alone with nothing at all
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
When I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
I can be the singer or the clown in any role
I can call up someone to take me to the moon
I can put my makeup on and drive the man insane
I can go to bed alone and never know his name
But when I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true
When I dream, I dream of you
Maybe someday you will come true

- Carol Kidd, When I Dream.

one of my favourite songs. simply marvelous.

dream

2006-03-18T22:29:00.000+08:00

dream : a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep

what exactly is a dream, where do they come from?
are they constructs of our very own conscious?
perhaps they come from the river of fates, revealing secrets.
do they speak of the future?
or are they just illusions of our own design?

dreams can scary but unlike nightmares, they are more than that.
not only can they provoke fear, they can also give pleasure, hope.
bloody confusing isn't it?
if only Joseph was around, maybe he could give me some answers.

Sovereign

2006-03-17T01:21:00.000+08:00

authority isn't self proclaimed.
it is given and supported by the people and likewise, it can be taken away by the people.
Sovereignty is fragile and its price, harsh. Respect & Servitude.
if they can't take away Sovereignty, then it's not Sovereignty, it's clearly, Dictatorship.
whose fault would it be? the Dictator who once was the Sovereign? No.
it's clearly the people's fault. ignorant & careless, they have lost their control.

note to Mrs. Valentine: this IS not my final product, just random chatter.

construct & construct

2006-03-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

since 9 march, i've been working for my father even though we work in totally different fields of study, being electronics compared to construction. At first, i felt that it would be boring and well, a waste of time but my father mentioned that i would learn alot on how a business is carried out and how the construction industry works. So far, i've visited 4 sites. Changi Airport Terminal 3, SembCorp Water Desalination Plant, Bishan Library and the new Republic Polytechnic campus at Woodlands. (you can see from the pictures above)

after about 2 weeks of wandering in a unchartered world, i must say, work management in the construction line can be very chaotic. sometimes, you would not know what is actually going on and communication can be quite vulgar. hahaha.

i visited the Republic Poly work site today. i was quite impressed initially. it's architecture was very modern, in a minimalistic manner and very luxurious. walkways are paved with wood instead of concrete and it's landscape gardens give off a very zen feel, similar to Japanese rock garden formations. But after much walking about, i felt it was rather cramped and too plain. In fact, it felt like a hospital with a kick ass air-conditioning system. (the only thing i found awesome, the air-con system)

I've found something interesting. if you observe carefully from the map above, the buildings 1 to 12 actually form a yin-yang symbol. talk about hardcore feng shui.

communication in the construction line can be amusing also, as i discovered. many apologies if i've offended anybody but i guess people just got too used to it. while people in my age group labelled foreigners racistly like chinese being china-nese and bangladeshi, ah neh, in the construction line, it's quite different. chinese are called china man (super man.) and bangladeshi, ali ba ba. (that got me amused deeply, i wonder who actually thought of that.)

still have much to be explored and learnt, perhaps if i find anything interesting, i'll post it up.

It's all about Love

2006-03-15T00:32:00.000+08:00

watch March of the Penguins today. great documentary. Cute, tough, warm-blooded animals, they are. Aww...look at that baby.

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no inspiration for me today, hope for tomorrow.

beef, beef, beef

2006-03-14T00:35:00.000+08:00

Had a fabulous dinner at Grapevine. ribeye steak, then brownie for dessert, all washed down with a fruitTea dubbed Love Cocktail.

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drive, empty

the roads are quiet; empty.
i'm alone and it scares me.
things could just disappear without you realising.
would the same happen to the things i hold deep in my heart?
afraid to lose yet even more afraid to face what lies ahead & beneath.
stranded in a void, suffering unintended, self-inflicting pain.

herbs & spices

2006-03-12T22:59:00.000+08:00

decided to cook something today, since there wasn't much to do.
been spending the whole day watching DVDs.
of all the meats in this world, i've always loved beef best.
hmm...it's texture and taste..delicious.

this is what i made today:

seasoning consisted of:
coriander leaves
rosemary
a little basil
salt & pepper

thought of this simple dish, when friends come over to my place to chill. it's really easy to make, just mix the seasoning ingredients all together and coat it on whatever cut of beef you prefer. let it sit for about 5-10mins to allow infusion. go ahead and open that bottle of red wine, call some friends over as you wait. then, grill, sear or bbq to medium-rare, medium or well-done to your liking and tuck in. (i recommend grabbing for the parts with fat, those taste fabulous.)

It's a saturday

2006-03-12T01:09:00.000+08:00

Ever since i've gotten my driving licence, these are the cars i've driven so far:

Toyota Vios (while getting my licence)
Toyota IST (Mum's car)
BMW 520i (Dad's car)

Of all, i've enjoyed the 520i. (obviously)
Now i know why people say, once you've driven a continental, you can never go back.
Unless of course, circumstances differ.

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drive, crash collision

driving on the expressway has sometimes got me wondered
people in their cars passing by me or i overtaking them,
are our lives related? do we have some sort of a connection?
look at how fleetingly close we are.
imagine a collision of our lives, would it or perhaps change our destinies?

wait, on a side note, i wouldn't like that to happen.
too much pain and anguish involved. perhaps death.
i'll rather collide while walking.

oh God oh God, please do not take this seriously.

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i've decide to start on a part by part mini novel series.
look out for it in the next few days. comments would be nice.

a long day.

2006-03-11T02:37:00.000+08:00

good news. cbox is up.

as suggested, long day, had a splendid time though.

Darnie invited Davin and I to a SMU Symphonia Concert performed by Camaleonte consisting of winds and brasses. I thoroughly enjoyed the performance especially the 'Rondo' piece by Mozart? Oh, the MCs sucked, they forgot the conductor's name, i shall say no further.

After that, we drove down to Grapevine and had drinks & dinner for Darnie, again. The boss must love us by now. 3 times in a week already? Chatted away as the night goes deeper. One good Ah Sia's Fed. meeting, i must say.

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drive, missing

things are fine now, im happy and everything has gone smoothly as it should. Yet still why do i feel that discontentment? "You ask to much" I think not. Something is missing and I'm going find out what is.

one post count~

2006-03-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

How was your day? they, people asked.

boring. that's how i felt today. sweet, short and simple.
i don't see a point in revealing much, since you didn't asked.

my first blog and first post.
love writing but lack the motivation
or perhaps, writers' no. 1 disease: what to write?
hopefully i keep this up, time will tell.
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a special insert for Mrs Valentine.

THANKS FOR THE MOTIVATION!!!!!
by the way, she suggested 'the artful chef'
if you find it retchful, look for her not me hahaha.

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she has her series, so i shall have mine too. heh
you never copyright hor.

the engine rumbles, louder and louder,
as i eased down the pedal further.
speeding down the yellow lit roads to a grapevine.
the stereo sings a lovely song,
friends (passengers) speak words of fun.
happiness resides in my heart.

yet, i feel uneasy.
a tinge of discontent, a tinge of doubt.
my emotions stirr up like white-water rapids.
a concoction of sadness & joy.
bittersweet.

drive, a journey to the within.